“Fix it, Jesus, fix it!”: U.S. Christian Rapture, November 2017

Incomplete (tip-o-the iceberg) list of U.S. Christian shutdowns, layoffs and Rapture oddities for the Gregorian (western christian calendar) month of November 2017.


California: Despite having the strictest anti-2nd Amendment laws of any U.S. state, god was still powerless to stop a shooting at the Saint Alphonsus Church.  In San Francisco area, more competition for ‘christians’ as ex-google executive Anthony Levandowski is founding a ‘church’ where members can worship a computer created Artificial Intelligence God!  In Oakland, god powerless to stop a man from being stabbed to death outside the Union Baptist Church.  In San Luis Obispo County, proof the economy ain’t recovered as the Mountainbrook Church raised $9-thousand for the local Food Bank Coalition.  The British empire based Salvation Army shutting down its East Avenue thrift store operation in Chico after Xmas, blaming crashing sales and skyrocketing rent/utilities.  In Fresno, New Harvest Church announced it will shutdown its child-care-center right after Xmas, vaguely blaming financial reasons.

Florida:  In Seminole Heights, the fourth victim of the serial shooter was a church volunteer who was shot in the back as he walked to a meeting with his church pastor.  Food insecurity is so bad in Citrus County that New Church Without Walls reporting it has 20 truckloads of food on its way: “We’re getting trucks three times a week, but we need some place to put it. What I’d really like is something like the old Kmart or an empty store. We need it now….They’re on their way.”-Doug Alexander

Georgia: Police responded to a near-riot at the Mount Sinai Missionary Baptist Church, over the firing of the pastor and misuse of church money.  Members were shouting “Fix it, Jesus, fix it!”, as police arrived and kicked everybody out.

Idaho: The pastor of Candlelight Christian Fellowship is endorsing the Mormon politician Raul Labrador.  Raúl Rafael Labrador once said “Nobody dies because they don’t have access to healthcare.”  Candlelight Christian Fellowship could face investigation by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) for openly endorsing a political candidate, according to Robert Tuttle, professor of law and religion at George Washington University Law School.

Illinois:  The Woodford County Sheriff arrested a man who threatened to shoot-up a church in Peoria because he was kicked out. Law enforcers told local news media they didn’t know why the man was kicked out of the church, the man is not being charged with a crime, instead he was placed in a mental facility.  It was a pastor of another church that reported the man to police.

Indiana: God powerless to stop burglars from targeting several vehicles in the parking lots of Bethany Church of the Brethren and Nappanee Missionary Church on 05 NOV 2017.  Then on 12 NOV 2017, vehicles in the parking lot of Sugar Grove Church were targeted.

Iowa: Easter Seals of Iowa issued a layoff WARN, 33 people in Des Moines jobless right after Xmas.

Kentucky: In Lexington, police responded to a near-riot at the Southern Acres Christian Church after members were told that “a known suspect took $100,000 from the church fund and exercised control over those funds with the intention to deprive the church thereof.”

Louisiana: An illegal immigrant is now living in the First Grace United Methodist Church in New Orleans, for fear of being deported.

Maine:  Kennebec Community Church and Feed My Starving Children begged for food donations, not for economically struggling ‘Mericans, but for people in other countries!

Maryland: Faithless church leaders in Carroll County attended an “active shooter” class put on by the local Sheriff.

Michigan:   It was revealed that the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is looking into threats made against the Masjid Bilal Mosque, Westminster Presbyterian Church, and a third unnamed religious house, after a toiletry bag containing a gun and a map were discovered in Dearborn Heights.  The map had religious houses marked as “targets”.  God powerless to stop ‘his’ Kensington Church, in Troy, from getting suckered by a con-artist.  It worked like this; a man sent a donation check for $4-thousand-5-hundred USD, then said ‘oops, I meant it to be for $45′,  so the church sent him a refund check for the difference.  It turns out the original donation check was fake!  In Grand Rapids, god powerless to stop the internet from shutting down ‘his’ christian Eardmans Bookstore. Christian book printer Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company says it’ll focus solely on internet sales.  In Wayne, New Hope Baptist Church hit by vandals, yet again according to local news media.  I think a possible problem is that the church is located in a vacant Burger King building, which is currently being remodeled.

Minnesota: After 151 years Brooklyn United Methodist Church shutting down at the beginning of January 2018.  Blame The Rapture as there are only 48 official members left, however, the pastor blames “The younger generation of Brooklyn’s congregation has, for the most part, moved away, and those who are left are dealing with issues related to old age and poor health.”

Missouri: In Kansas City, the 1-hundred years old Westminster Congregational Church is now a furniture store.  Apparently the church had been declared an eyesore and people wanted it torn down.

Nevada: Taxpayer funded Lyon County School District facing a lawsuit for blocking Calvary Chapel Dayton Valley from distributing religious material on taxpayer funded school property (in violation of the 1st Amendment).

New Jersey: God powerless to stop ‘his’ Saint Peter’s University Hospital from suddenly eliminated 108 jobs in order to “remain competitive”!  Presbyterian founded Westminster Choir College suddenly laid off 33 people and revealed the school might be transferred to the control of an ‘Asian’ institution, and if that fails then the 91 years old school will shutdown.

North Carolina:  Former members of the controversial Word of Faith Fellowship say a 2005 court agreement is failing to protect children from being abused by church officials.   Buncombe County’s Tourism Development Authority is being accused of violating the 1st Amendment by giving the Haywood Street Congregation a $75-thousand USD taxpayer funded grant.  Providence Baptist Church was hit by vandals that accused the church of being anti-homosexual, the pastor swears he has never made any anti-homosexual comments.

North Dakota: Two men were “dragged out” of the River Church, in Dickinson, for protesting a female pastor.  One witness said the men were pointing out the lack of Biblical references in the female pastor’s sermon.

Ohio: A man was found, shot in the chest, in the Center Christian Church parking lot.  The man is alive, but so far police don’t know who he is, they suspect its the result of illegal drugs.

Oklahoma: The great-grandson of the founders of the Rhema Bible Training College pled guilty to being the Broken Arrow shooter.  God powerless to stop the sudden (without warning) shutdown of ‘his’ Saint Gregory’s University, supposedly due to a sudden change in federal taxpayer funding rules from the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture): “The USDA came up with a new rule last week, never before heard of, to say, ‘Oh, you’re not eligible until the next census’.”-Michael Scaperlanda, university president

Pennsylvania:  Doing something that many people don’t think about when it comes to poor people, for the second year in a row First Presbyterian Church of Allentown bought shoes for people who rely on the Dubbs Memorial Community Center-Daybreak program: “It’s like Santa went to my house already.”-Gladys Arroyo, Daybreak user

Rhode Island: A Ford van used by Saint Patrick’s Church to  help homeless people, and to make deliveries to food pantries, was stolen and then ‘totaled’.  Church volunteers say they used the van to help feed more than 2-hundred families: “It’s almost impossible to do what we need to do without our van.”-Marlyn Batista

Tennessee: After 140 years ‘god’ powerless to stop ‘his’ Tennessee Baptist Convention from excommunicating ‘his’ First Baptist Church of Jefferson City for hiring a female reverend!

 Texas: God powerless to stop a known crazyman from killing nine people in the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs After the shooting the ‘christian’ dominated U.S. Air Force admitted that it failed to report the shooter’s criminal/mental health records to the National Instant Criminal Background Check System, which would have prevented the man from buying guns.  In response to the shooting, the Williamson County Sheriff conducted an “active shooter” class at the Celebration Church in Georgetown. A female Cy-Springs High School history teacher is accused of having sex with a student and doing drugs (ain’t that why it called High School?), according to the complaint the teach and the student would meet at a ‘christian’ Chick-Fil-A for their trysts.   God powerless to stop ‘his’ Abilene Christian University from eliminating an undisclosed number of jobs as part of its attempt at “…lowering student debt and the cost of delivering a quality higher education, while increasing affordability…”

Utah:  Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the most powerful of several LDS organizations) accidentally revealed secret Handbook 1 church administration rules, but then quickly removed them from the internet when the mistake was discovered.  Handbook 2 is considered de-classified for public viewing.  Imagine Dragons’ mormon frontman Dan Reynolds executive-produced a new documentary about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ homosexual policy, its called Believer.

Washington: ‘Christians’ voted in favor of parking lots over helping homeless people. In Seattle the members of the University Unitarian Church voted to remove three houses used to help homeless people and replace them with a parking lotLocal news media pointed out the University Unitarian Church’s decision comes at a time when the city is dealing with a homelessness “crisis”

Washington DC: The Archdiocese of Washington (DC) suing the DC Metro which refused to run a promotion about Xmas.  Ignorant church leaders said there was no reference to religion, forgetting that Christmas is a stolen ‘Pagan’ Winter Solstice holiday modified for a specific religion called Christianity.  The equally ignorant First Baptist Church joined in protest of the DC Metro anti-Xmas, pro-1st Amendment, decision.

West Virginia: It was revealed that during the ‘christian’ motivated Civil War (southern christians used the Bible to support slavery and northern christians used the Bible to oppose slavery, proof the Bible can’t be relied upon) the Claysville Church opened it doors to both Union and Confederate soldiers.

Wisconsin: This happens every friggin’ year, baby Jesus stolen from a church nativity scene.  The latest incident happened at a church in Mensha, the statue (idol) is more than a hundred years old.  Local ‘christian’ police are so upset about it they’ve issued an all-points bulletin (aka BOLO).

U.S. Christian Rapture, October 2017: “THEY SAID…WE WERE SINNERS!”

“No man can work for two masters, for either he will hate one and will love the other, or he will honor one and the other he will ignore. You cannot work for God and for money.”-Matthew 6:24, Aramaic Bible

“But the root of all these evils is the love of money, and there are some who have desired it and have erred from the faith and have brought themselves many miseries.”-1 Timothy 6:10 Aramaic Bible

“And Yeshua [Jesus of Nazareth] entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. And he said to them, It is written: ‘My house will be called the House of prayer, but you have made it a den of robbers.’ “-Matthew 21:12-13 Aramaic Bible

“Yeshua said to them, ‘Give what is Caesar’s to Caesar and what is God’s to God.’ And they marveled at him.”-Mark 12:17 Aramaic Bible

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.-1st Amendment, U.S. Constitution

WARN=Worker Adjustment & Retraining Notification

Former employees of religious non-profits might not qualify for unemployment assistance (or even be counted as unemployed): “If the non-profit organization is a church, you may or may not be entitled to unemployment. It all depends upon state regulations for church employers. In many cases, churches are allowed to set their own rules regarding unemployment benefits, meaning the church can choose whether to offer benefits to former employees.”